Time flies...
It's almost 4 months since my last post. Where was I man (x.x)
Many things have happened. Many things haven't. One thing's for sure, I can never take anything back. Not that I want to though. Sometimes, it's the truth that I've hidden so deep in me, that when they push me over the limit, it just blows. I don't blurb out words that I don't mean. There's many things I don't say because I know people don't like to hear the truth. I choose my words quite carefully, I would say. Guess intensity does play a part too. 25 years is sort of enough. They matter, that's why I have such intense emotions. I tried, but one person's effort is never enough. Now that I've put my mind to start from a clean sheet, I believe everything will be better. What have they done for me? All the things I have sacrificed for them, although I don't remind them, I don't think they appreciated it. I rarely feel like part of their community. Perhaps when I wasn't so good, they take pity on me. But when I'm good, they never fail to bring me down. "Don't forget last time you....", "Don't forget last time I helped you...", "Just because you study better, you think you are better than me?" etc. Ask anyone and they know I have never compared academics. It's really confusing why they even mention this and put the blame on me. I hear their insecurities now. That's why you always exclude. You want to be the "popular" one. Go ahead. Well, if you think you're the only one helping others, and your weird ways are THE WAY to go. Good for you. I am not going to be part of this weird community anymore. It feels strange now. A lost-lessness. A newfound freedom. But I guess every new phase results in this peculiar feeling. I know that they will be cursing me, like they never fail to remind me. But as the saying goes "out of sight, out of mind".
I believe I've said this before: I really look forward to the christmas season, because of all the pretty decorations and possible presents I could receive. This time round it's gonna be quite different. Just keeping my fingers crossed.
"A lovely thing about Christmas is that it's compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together." - Garrison Keillor